Everything I Can't Remember
by Mayuna
Summary: I traded the life I never had for the life I couldn't remember
1. Chapter 1

_The sun comes in through my window waking me from the hellacious dozed sleep that I had been able to acquire. I sit up my back aching in screaming protest at the motion. I place a hand to my shoulder and begin to rub taking into account the clammy sweat that's accumulated on my skin. My other hand wipes at my eyes grounding out what little sleep had built up there and I blink rapidly. The sun was already so bright as the humidity rose. I take a deep breath filling my lungs with the smells of summer; cut grass, food cooking outside, the promise of adventure's to come. _

_I look up at the bunk above mine a hand falling over the side of it lazily as the sounds of hushed snoring reach my ears. I climb out of my own bed grabbing hold of the wooden ladder and peer onto the other bed at the occupant of it. My older brother, Edward, sleep's with the sheets tangled around his mid torso and legs as he lays on his stomach. His head sandwiched in between two of his pillows, his legs and arms spread out to all four sides of the bed. _

"_How can you sleep like that brother?" I ask aloud shaking my head. Sleeping on my stomach gave me a headache and no matter what the weather condition's I needed to be covered by a blanket, it's a comfort thing. My brother's hand twitches slightly as he mumbles something and moans. I feel a mischevious smirk cross my lips as I know who he's probably dreaming about, his girlfriend Winry. _

_I climb onto the bed slowly carefully as not to wake him even though that's extremely hard to do. I could jump on his stomach and he wouldn't even notice but still I'm cautious. I make my way to the middle of the bed pushing him over slightly so I can sit next to him. Carefully and slowly the pillow is taken away from his head. His eye's flicker back and forth darting underneath their lids indicating that he is asleep and dreaming as he breathes in through his nose and out through his open mouth. _

_He mutters something again, I think he said Winry go lower…I can hardly suppress the evil laugh that I can feel being to resonate in my throat but I suppress it my smirk becoming a full blown smile. _

"_Oh Edward, right there don't stop." I whisper close to his ear softly. His mouth twitches into a weak smile as he lets out a sigh. "Yeah just like that." My brother turns onto his back breathing heavily his lips trembling to a full blown smile of pleasure. _

_I can't stand it anymore and burst out laughing tipping off the side of the bunk in the process. I grab onto Ed's hand taking him down with me. I land on my back wincing at the burning pain as I smack against the hard wood floor and have the wind knocked out of me. Edward lands on top of me further knocking the wind out of me causing me to gasp as I feel my eyes bug out of my head. Ed lets out a pained yell as his eyes stare wide and wild around him._

"_The hell…?" He choked out staring at me. "Alphonse? The hell Al?" I shake my head quickly finally managing to cough pushing him off of me to sit up holding my chest. _

"_Boys is everything alright up there?" Our mother calls from downstairs. My brother glances at me and sighs._

"_No mom, we're good." He calls down. _

"_Alright well you boys wash up and come down for breakfast. I let you two sleep in late enough and chores need to get done." She said the sound of the stairs creaking as she went down them her footsteps falling softly against the wood. Edward rubs a hand down his face. _

"_Yeah, yeah we know, we know." He says stifling a yawn. I stand up taking a deep breath. Ed tackled my legs causing me to fall to the ground. He climbed on top of my back wrapping his arms around my neck putting me into a choke hold. _

"_What were you doing in my bed Alphonse?!" He demanded. I gasped for air my hands flying up in an attempt to scratch at him or yank his hair to get him off. I managed to turn over on my back as red spots obscure my vision. Ed lands on his side as I rock my body in an attempt to roll over him. I manage to slip out of his hold pinning him to the ground. We roll around on the ground for a few more minutes punches exchange as well as words._

"_Boys I mean it now!" Our mother calls again. We both sigh and get up Edward running ahead of me to the wash room. _

(------------------------)

The noise on the stairs sounded like a herd of elephants had decided to take a stroll through the house but Trisha knew better as she laid the breakfast plates on the table hurrying back to the stove to flip the pancakes in the skillet.

"Teenage boys…." She said with a sigh shaking her head slightly from side to side. As she heard the scrape of the kitchen chairs being pulled out from underneath the table.

"Morning mom." They both said in unison happily. Trisha turned with a plate of pancakes smiling at her sons

"Good morning boys." She said. "Now I don't mean to rush you or anything but you two really did wake up late and the irrigation trench collapsed last night."

Edward shoved a sticky piece of pancake in his mouth taking a swig of orange juice to wash it down.

"Again?" He asked his voice raspy from swallowing. Trisha nodded.

"It's the rains Ed. They just wont let up at night." She replied with a sigh. Alphonse also sighed drinking the rest of his milk placing the glass down.

"Well if that's the case we should get started early brother so we can get it done. That way we'll still have time to chop wood." He said standing. Ed finished his breakfast and nodded.

"Yup." He said standing as well both starting out the door.

"Now hold on Edward your face is sticky." Trisha said running to him with a wet dish cloth.

"Mom it's not like it matters, I'm just going to get filthy anyways." He said his face taking on a slight shade of crimson.

"That may be true but you won't leave this house that way if I can help it." She said wiping his face her hand lingering a moment longer than needed be against her oldest sons cheek. Al snickered into his hand.

"And your another one Alphonse." He heard as he felt soft hands smoothing down his hair as his mother stood on her toes to reach the top of his head. "I swear you two get taller and taller every day. Alright your all set. I'll bring lunch out to you boys."

"Okay mom." They said and headed out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

_The day was brutal plain and simple. The humidity added to the heat made the sweat only fall faster down our bodies leaving behind that feeling of stickiness that I can't stand. Our mom brought my brother and I drinks ever hour or so and we stopped for lunch briefly but other than that we worked more or less through out the entire day. In order to build the irrigation trench we had to keep running back and forth from the river back to the house. By the time the sun began to drop we were finished and I was just as irritable as Edward is on a daily basis. We sat by the river bank dipping out hands into the water every so often to soothe the dull ache from the blisters that had formed on the palms bringing them up to wash away some of the sweat and grime that had accumulated on our faces. We sat listening to the birds calling to each other from the nearby tree's as the river bubbles lazily by, unusual since it had been raining so much at night. The last few sparks of light from the setting sun reflected off of the water's surface creating small rainbows here and there as it tumbled down miniature waterfalls._

"_Man I'm telling you Al, if that stupid trench caves again I'm going to be royally pissed." Ed moaned stretching out on the ground as he laid down. I turned my attention to him as my peaceful train of thought was broken._

"_Yeah tell me about it but it's not like we'd have a choice other than to fix it." I replied. "It's the easiest way to get water to the crops and garden. In the long run it really saves mom a lot since we started growing our own food." _

"_Yeah…" Edward said with a sigh closing his eyes and yawning loudly. "Well I'm going to head back to the house, I'm starved. You comin'?" He asked standing up. _

"_In a minute, I'm just going to sit here a little longer." I replied. Ed gave a shrug before turning to walk away. A sudden feeling took me over; despair, hurt, loneliness, and fear. Pure fear that shocked me to my very soul, that robbed me of my breath as my heart began to flutter and pound in my chest. I could feel my body trembling as a cold sweat broke out streaking down my skin. I didn't want Edward to leave but why? What was I afraid of? He was just going to the house that wasn't far at all from where I was. So why was I so afraid that I'd never see him again? _

_I pushed it aside dismissing it on lack of sleep, lack of food and extreme fatigue from doing strenuous labor all day long. I felt myself let out a few breaths as I placed a hand over my heart and closed my eyes tightly. I concentrated on my breathing and slowing down my heart, it took a few minutes but did eventually work. _

_My eyes reopened to look at the sky as the sun dipped lower to rest behind the horizon leaving in it's wake streaks of red, orange and purple. Crickets began to replace the birds that had settled in for the night in the tree tops and I knew it was time to go home. I got closer to the waters edge for one last splash of water to my face. In the dimming light I saw my reflection and froze…._

The boy that looked back at Alphonse wasn't him. It was a small child that did look suspiciously like him, the boy he vaguely remembered being only a few short years before but he never had appeared so depressed. His reflection wore a face of despair, hurt, loneliness and fear. The exact feelings he had felt when Edward turned to leave. His first instinct was to disrupt the image by splashing at the water but if he did that what would become of the boy?

He stared at him eyes wide as the other stared back tears falling from his. Al leaned in closer to the water's edge getting a better look. The reflection stayed at the same distance it had been when he first glanced in.

"What's wrong?" Al whispered out shakily. The boy didn't reply simply shook his head sadly as his mouth drew down further his lips beginning to quiver. He could hear in the distance his mother calling for him, that it was late and time to come home. The reflection seemed to perk up somewhat at the sound of Trisha's voice but just as soon as the emotion flashed across his face despair over took him again worse than before. "Listen I've got to go but I'll come back tomorrow. I promise, we can…talk then…" The words sounded odd and queer but even still the boy seemed to nod his head as best he could before disappearing and Alphonse found himself staring at the bottom of the river.


	3. Chapter 3

_For the next week I visited the river searching for the boy's reflection that I had seen that day but so far I haven't found him. I didn't tell my mother because she would worry that I had gotten to much sun and I didn't tell my brother because he would probably make fun of me so I kept it to myself. _

_It turned in my head at night as I tried to sleep; had it simply been from heat exhaustion? My over tired eyes playing tricks on my as the sun went down was the obvious answer but it had been to vivid to chalk it up and erase it like that. Then there was the nagging question as to why I had felt that way when my brother went home. _

_I revisited the feelings I had felt that day and what they came too was that I had been afraid my brother wouldn't be coming back, that I'd never see him again and that is what had scared me; losing Edward for good. His steady breathing above me settles my restless nerves in the sense that he's not going anywhere. _

'_Things change.' A voice resounds in my head as my eyelids begin to close under the heavy weight of sleep. 'Circumstances and people both change.' _

"_I like how things are now. Why do they have to change?" I ask it. It's quiet for a moment as if pondering the answer. _

'_It jusssssst doessssss.' It hissed out the voice turning malevolent startling me but still I fell deeper into the void of sleep unable to stop it. _

_Images flashed across my mind as I felt many hands grabbing at me, holding me as a tremendous force of energy flew past me. My head swam as I tried to make sense of everything I was seeing. Ed and I as small children, learning alchemy? We never learned alchemy; a grave with my mothers name on it, a bright light enveloping my body sucking me into a void while Edward shouted and reached out for me desperately , looking down at my hands seeing leather gauntlets instead of flesh and bone, wanting to feel something anything but only hanging in some hellacious limbo for too damn long. _

_I stood watching the images fly around me and I knew that these were my memories. How I knew that I can't say but I knew that at one point in time I had acquired them, they belonged to me. _

"_Become dissatisfied again?" _

Alphonse turned around quickly to be faced with a white being. It had no facial features where it's head should have been except grooves where it's mouth was when it spoke giving the appearance of teeth.

"Again..?" Al asked confused while the being only nodded in response. "What do you mean?"

"_You came here broken and desperate, I gave you what you wanted." _Alphonse kept his eyes on the thing wary as it spoke to him, the words piercing through him as a dagger would. _"Of course there was an exchange. Yet here you are again, dissatisfied." _

Al stared at the images that swirled around him. One particular image of Edward stopped in front of him hazy and transparent. He looked straight at Al a smirk on his face as he flicked his long hair away from his face. "_No matter what Al I'll fix you, I swear it." _He stated before it floated off to circle around him again. Al turned back to the being.

"Back there in Resembool, it wasn't real was it? It was some illusion that you created. That I had wanted." Al said as an image of his mother slowly letting go of both his and Edwards hands flew past his vision.

"_It's as real as you make it, as real as you want it." _It stated. Al shook his head quickly clenching his trembling hands into fists at his sides.

"No…." He said forcefully as his eyes narrowed. "It wasn't real. I want my life back. No matter how hard it was I don't care. I'd rather live my life miserably then give into some happy delusion!"

The thing smirked at him its teeth showing. _"Are you sure?" _It asked. Al nodded his head once forcefully. _"Then I'll be taking those back." _

The images that had been swirling around him flew off towards the thing filing past him as into a large door.

"Wait but I need those if I'm going back to my real life!" Alphonse shouted.

"_The exchange from before still stands besides I didn't take all of them; only the ones you'd cherish the most. Have a nice life Alphonse Elric." _It hissed out just as the voice in his head had done before.

His body felt heavy as if a tremendous weight had been tied to him. He fell to the ground as his head spun. It was nauseating causing his torso to ache horribly. He shut his eyes against the pain the sensation of falling over taking him….

_I heard a train whistle. Slowly I open my eyes to find my head resting in someone's lap. My first initial reaction was it was my mother. Soft and warm, the transmutation had worked but why were we on a train? Was it to escape Resembool to avoid being found out; the truth that my brother and I had performed a human transmutation and succeeded. _

"_Mom…" I speak out, my throat parched beyond anything I've ever experienced before making my voice small and croaked. _

"_Al. It's me Rose." The voice says softly. My eyes shoot open and I attempt to sit up but feel my body not willing to comply. I'm too weak. Why am I so weak? _

"_It's okay Alphonse, your just tired. Don't over do it just rest." The girl says as she places a soft cool hand against my forehead. I sighed defeated closing my eyes heavily fighting off sleep the best I could. _


End file.
